Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
