Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
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