if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
