i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
Randomize
