Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
