so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
