I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
She needs sedatives and a leash
Still dying that you shit outside
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
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