I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Randomize
