already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
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