she kept yelling 'call me bella'
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
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Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize