So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Randomize