I wish I only lived at night.
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
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