I wish I could punch you in the face.
Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
i would punch a child for taco bell
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
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