Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
Randomize
