Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
