woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
