Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize