I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
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