Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
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