I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Randomize
