What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
