im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
Randomize
