Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
