Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
