He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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