she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
Randomize
