I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
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