If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
So much rum. So many feels.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
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