she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
her facebook's as public as her vagina
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
Randomize
