I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
wow bdsm is so cute
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
