Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
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They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
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N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
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