It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
