At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Randomize
