We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
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