i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
Randomize
