If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
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