Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
Randomize
