I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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