I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize
