Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
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