I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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