how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
