you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
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