New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
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