Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
