some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
Randomize
