Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
