I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Randomize
