I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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