Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
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