is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Randomize
