Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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