just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
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