I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
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