Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
I just gift wrapped bread.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Randomize
