Texts From Last Night

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  (818): View more from California

  my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.

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  (818): my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again. http://tfl.nu/vc1t
  Replies (24) Good night (3780) Bad night (654)
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  (908): View more from New Jersey

  so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.

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  (908): so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy. http://tfl.nu/ocps
  Replies (9) Good night (748) Bad night (2700)
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  (585): View more from New York

  Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?

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  (585): Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58? http://tfl.nu/d4gh
  Replies (13) Good night (1121) Bad night (4092)
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  (425): View more from Washington

  This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.

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  (425): This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference. http://tfl.nu/xg4w
  Replies (51) Good night (9028) Bad night (1002)
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  (405): View more from Oklahoma

  also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?

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  (405): also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format? http://tfl.nu/009x
  Replies (27) Good night (6417) Bad night (1454)
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  (570): View more from Pennsylvania

  Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..

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  (570): Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." .. http://tfl.nu/4q08
  Replies (2) Good night (2424) Bad night (952)
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  (217): View more from Illinois

  Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home

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  (217): Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home http://tfl.nu/w5oh
  Replies (3) Good night (1654) Bad night (809)
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  (989): View more from Michigan

  Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.

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  (989): Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment. http://tfl.nu/uqhq
  Replies (20) Good night (3106) Bad night (982)
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  (865): View more from Tennessee

  Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night

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  (865): Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night http://tfl.nu/c61e
  Replies (2) Good night (1616) Bad night (632)
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  (423): View more from Tennessee

  Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.

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  (423): Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina. http://tfl.nu/4jzk
  Replies (6) Good night (1747) Bad night (504)
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  (202): View more from Washington, DC

  I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.

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  (202): I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here. http://tfl.nu/svec
  Replies (6) Good night (867) Bad night (636)
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  (608): View more from Wisconsin

  Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.

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  (608): Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants. http://tfl.nu/jnxo
  Replies (4) Good night (825) Bad night (397)
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  (774): View more from Massachusetts

  stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick

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  (774): stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick http://tfl.nu/dnwu
  Replies (10) Good night (1838) Bad night (634)
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  (310): View more from California

  All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.

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  (310): All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta. http://tfl.nu/aprf
  Replies (2) Good night (1498) Bad night (382)
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  (306): View more from Saskatchewan

  I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame

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  (306): I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame http://tfl.nu/y48t
  Replies (1) Good night (716) Bad night (263)

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