I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
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all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
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If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way