Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.