you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
you have to choose: penises or morals?
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls