he thought i was a dude.
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
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I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
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He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it