Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.