So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
