So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice