you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
27 Of The Most NSFW Life Hacks
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
23 Disturbing Small-Town Horror Stories
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.