I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
