I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
Randomize
