I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
Randomize
