It's Friday. Sex?
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize
