And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Randomize
