are you still at the devil's house?
is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
This toilet bowl is my home.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
